


One Thing I Can Tell You Is You Got To Be Free

by voodoogypsyeyes



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Closeted Character, Falling In Love, M/M, Queer Themes, non-au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:07:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25617088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voodoogypsyeyes/pseuds/voodoogypsyeyes
Summary: Just another story of forbidden gay love.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Kudos: 16





	One Thing I Can Tell You Is You Got To Be Free

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - this is a work of (hopefully enjoyable) fiction! That means not factual, these are not facts in here. This is basically a transcription of my J2 headcanon. I mean no disrespect to the people this is about because I respect the fuck out of them and their families. I write this out of love, so don't come at me with hate.
> 
> I think this might be the only non-AU J2 fic this site has had in a while, an observation I've made by trying like hell to find non-AU J2 fics. I even try filtering out the AU tag but everything is still AU. What I like about J2 is their beautiful real-life bond, and that's what I'm trying to honor here, and also honoring what it is to be queer in America.

Jensen Ackles frowned in disapproval at the sight of Jared Padalecki.

_Must be reading for Dean too_ , thought Jensen. The guy was huge, too big to play a little brother. Muscled, not at all the scrawny college kid Sam Winchester was supposed to be. Strong jaw, broad shoulders like a linebacker. The character of Sam was supposed to be a nerd and this guy did not look like a nerd in any way shape or form. So it seemed Jensen was going to have a fight on his hands, over the character of Dean Winchester.

The guy looked up at Jensen as he approached. He smiled brightly. Jensen's heart skipped a beat.

_God damn, that smile._

Jensen felt any disapproval and bitterness he'd felt evaporate in the sunshine of that smile. It was infectious; he couldn't help smiling back.

"Hey, I'm Jared." Jared's hand was extended and Jensen gave it a firm shake.

"Jensen."

Jared's eyebrows came down, an amused frown. " _Jensen?_ That's your first name?"

A bit of his earlier disapproval came back to Jensen with that question. It wasn't a question he wasn't used to, it was a question he was extremely used to at this point in his life, but every time someone asked it, Jensen couldn't help being reminded of the bullies from his past. Especially when he saw the amusement on Jared's face. Jensen frowned back humorlessly.

"Yeah, it is. Jensen Ackles. From Dark Angel, Smallville, Days of Our Lives." Jensen smiled with pride.

Jared's eyebrows lifted, corners of his mouth tugged down, in an unreadable expression, and Jared nodded in acknowledgement. "Jared Padalecki, formerly of Gilmore Girls and a couple movies no one's seen." Jared looked away anxiously. Jensen watched him, puzzled, as he sat beside him. Then something began to register in him and he smirked.

"Jared Padalecki. You were in House of Wax. With Paris Hilton."

Jared laughed a little. "Yeah, I was, what, Guy Number Three? I was the one that got turned into a wax figure."

"With Paris Hilton," Jensen repeated, grinning. "What was that like?"

"Not that much fun. She's, uh, she's exactly what you imagine she would be like. Not really my type."

Not Jensen's type either, that was for sure. Jensen smiled warmly at Jared; he liked that Jared wasn't into Paris Hilton, it spoke well of the man. And there was something else, in the way Jared spoke. Something so familiar. Then it clicked.

"Are you from Texas?"

Jared beamed at him. "Yeah! How'd you know?"

"I am too," replied Jensen, beaming right back. "Richardson. Whereabouts are you from?"

"San Antonio. Richardson, that's around Dallas, right?"

"That's right." The two smiled at each other. Jensen noted the way Jared's eyes moved between Jensen's eyes and lips. The way they stuck to Jensen's lips.

_Ah. Here we go._

This was something else Jensen had gotten used to, since he'd gotten into acting. Because where he'd come from, it was something that was largely forbidden by society. Guys expressing interest in other guys. That was something you didn't really openly do in Texas. It was something Jensen himself did, but discreetly, like a good Texas boy. He wasn't looking to get his ass kicked. But here in Hollywood... there was nothing discreet about it. Nothing discreet about how Jared was looking at him. Not such a good Texas boy, this one.

Jensen cast his eyes around the otherwise empty room, looking for an exit from this conversation. It wasn't that Jared wasn't attractive, or nice to talk to, Jared was both of those things. But Jensen wasn't interested in this side of Hollywood. The moral vacancy. Jensen was a professional actor and he didn't want Hollywood to see him as anything else. Wanted to be as far from Paris Hilton as possible.

"So which part are you reading for?"

Jensen turned back to Jared at that question, frowning again.

"Dean. You reading for Dean too?"

"No, I'm reading for Sam," said Jared. Relief washed through Jensen. Then he smirked again.

"You're reading for Sam? Isn't he supposed to be like... a geeky little college kid?"

"Where in the script does it say that?" Jared laughed softly. "Says he's in college, says he's a law student."

"Yeah. A geek."

"Well, who said I wasn't a geek too?"

"Nobody, because you are," Jensen ribbed him gently, smile at the edge of his mouth. He was surprised by himself. Teasing wasn't something he did with other actors, most of whom didn't even understand the concept. He especially wasn't used to teasing someone he'd only known for a couple minutes.

And Jared beamed at the distinction of geek. Jared was an odd one. Those were the ones Jensen liked most.

"My agent actually said the producers didn't think I was smart enough to play Sam," Jared laughed. "So my agent had to come back at them with my GPA like I was applying to a university or something!"

Jensen laughed with him, shaking his head. His eyes raked over Jared again.

"Well, you do look more the athletic type," Jensen observed, eyeing the muscles that strained at Jared's shirt. "And Sam's supposed to be the younger brother, the littler one."

"Younger, yes, but it don't say anything about being little," said Jared, Southern twang in his words. Jensen looked back up to see him smirking, and he realized he'd been staring at Jared's body. He blushed and turned to hide it.

Be professional, Jensen reminded himself. Which reminded him of where he was. He squinted around the empty room in confusion.

"Are we... I mean we're not early, are we? Where's everyone else?"

"Dunno," replied Jared, eyebrows up and mouth tugged down in that same expression he'd worn earlier. "Auditions should be right now but no one's here. The lady out front said the auditions are happening here, so we're not in the wrong place. I don't know why there aren't other people here."

"Maybe they only throw the Texans in here."

Jared barked out a laugh. "Yeah, keep us away from civilized society."

"In what universe is Hollywood _civilized?_ "

The two laughed together and discussed their experiences in Hollywood, their lives pre-Hollywood. Found that not only did they share a home state, they shared several interests.

When the PA came in to collect them for their separate auditions, they found themselves reluctant to part company. Jensen sat in that empty room and found that he _missed_ Jared already.

When he saw Jared again for their chemistry read, he began to realize that his disapproval of Jared had vanished to be replaced with something that troubled him infinitely more.

::

Jared was beginning to see the problem.

When he'd met Jensen, he had been thrilled. Enchanted. He'd never met anyone so beautiful in his life - those eyes, that mouth, almost too beautiful to exist. Jared had been even more thrilled when he'd started talking to Jensen, because the man was even more of a delight to talk to than he was to look at.

And Jensen had been looking back. Jared had noticed. Jensen was beautiful, Jensen was cool, and Jensen was into him. Jared had been happy, so very happy to be cast as Sam to Jensen's Dean, and so very eager to work with him.

That was then, and this was now.

Rain-drenched Vancouver, on the set of Supernatural, a show that had not yet aired on television. Jared and Jensen were a few weeks into filming. Living in this strange town, in this strange country. Two Texans so far from home. Jared had been hoping to find some sort of comfort in Jensen, but Jensen shot those hopes down.

Jensen kept pushing him away every time Jared tried to get close. He knew Jensen liked him, wanted him, just as much as Jared did. Jared was so confused by this and Jensen seemed just as confused.

Jensen hadn't said anything about liking guys but Jared was well acquainted with the closet, he knew how that worked. Knew how difficult it was to step out of that closet, hell, Jared wasn't out of it either. Had a girlfriend. Whom he liked but didn't love.

He and his girlfriend both fucked guys on the side. Not that Jared screwed around with a lot of people, he'd never been the type to do that, but he did have a few buddies that were a bit more than just buddies. But with Jensen, Jared saw the potential for something else. Something more meaningful.

So he flirted with Jensen, kept it subtle at first. Tested the waters. And they felt real good so Jared started flirting more, made his intentions clearer.

That's when Jensen had started acting weird. Jared felt like he was being pulled closer with one hand while being pushed away with the other, like Jensen wanted Jared but was afraid to want him. But they weren't in Texas anymore, they didn't have to worry about gaybashers. Not that they could exactly be open about their sexuality in Hollywood, but Jared wasn't trying to force them out of the closet. He just wanted to be closer to Jensen. Even Eric Kripke was encouraging them to get closer to each other, to make the Winchester brothers' bond seem more real.

Obviously Jared and Jensen couldn't be openly together, seeing as how they played brothers, and seeing as how Hollywood was still uncomfortable with homosexuality. Jared wished these things weren't true. He figured, even if no one knew about it, him and Jensen being together could be something good in this world of bad.

But here he was, sitting in this car with Jensen on a stormy night, filming a scene where Sam and Dean were arguing, and Jared was beginning to feel _real_ anger coming out in his lines, real frustration over how Jensen was treating him. He could deal with Jensen wanting him or not wanting him, but this jumping between the two was getting unbearable for Jared.

"I know how you feel," Jensen said sympathetically, as Dean, to Jared as Sam.

" _Do_ you?"

The words burned their way out of Jared like acid. He glared at Jensen. Not Dean. _Jensen_. And as he glared, he forgot the rest of Sam's lines.

He shut his eyes, sighed and shook his head. "Sorry," he said to the crew, "um... can we stop for a minute, need to read over the script again."

He got out of the car before anyone could respond and strode quickly away from the set to his trailer, slamming the door behind him.

The script sat on his table. He just leaned against his door staring at it. Then someone knocked at the flimsy plastic door, thumping against Jared's back. He turned to face it.

"Who is it?"

"It's me," Jensen's voice replied. Jared shook his head and he opened the door.

"What do you want?"

Jensen frowned. Jared's expression and tone betrayed his anger.

"What's up with you, man?" Jensen asked.

"You're asking _me_ that?" Jared laughed bitterly. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Jared turned away from Jensen and walked further into his trailer. Jensen followed him in.

"Just _stop_ , Jensen," Jared demanded. Jensen froze where he stood and gave Jared a puzzled look. "And don't act like you don't know what I fuckin' mean."

"I honestly don't, so you're gonna have to-"

"I'm gonna have to _what?_ " Jared stalked closer to Jensen. Jensen backed away toward the trailer's wall and Jared kept moving forward, until he was pressing Jensen against the wall. "Tell me, Jensen. What is it that you want me to do here? I need a goddamn answer."

And here it was. Pressed up close to Jensen, their faces scant inches apart, breathing each other in. The lust in Jensen's pretty gold-green eyes. How they settled themselves on Jared's lips. What they were silently asking for.

Then Jensen shoved Jared away.

"It's not gonna happen," Jensen said firmly. "That enough of an answer for you? I'm your co-star, Jared, and I take that seriously. Unlike you."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Jensen laughed scornfully. "You think I don't know about you screwing your co-stars? Your girlfriend, co-star, your buddy Chad, co-star, and on and on it goes. I'm not interested in being added to the list."

Jared just stood there, shaking with fury, wanting to argue with what Jensen had said but not quite able to. It was true that Sandy and Chad had gone from being his co-stars to being his lovers. It was true that they weren't the only ones. But it _wasn't_ true that Jared wanted the same thing with Jensen. He wanted to have sex with Jensen, yes, but sex wasn't all he wanted.

"I never said that's what I wanted with you," said Jared quietly.

"Don't act like it's not," Jensen spat at him. "You're pissed off that I won't fuck you and you're throwing a temper tantrum because you can't get what you want, the fact that _someone_ in Hollywood is saying _no_ to you."

Angry tears welled in Jared's eyes. "That's not what..." He trailed off, speechless at how wrong this had all gone. He shook his head again, locked eyes determinedly with Jensen. "Jensen, I know you want this too. We don't have to go public with it, it can just-"

"Not. _Interested_."

"Why are you acting like this??"

"What, you mean _not_ fucking all my co-stars and throwing hissyfits at the ones who won't let me?"

Jared snarled and grabbed the front of Jensen's shirt as he drew his fist back to punch. But he held his fist in the air, unwilling to hurt Jensen. Then he let him go.

"Get the fuck out," he hissed, "and stay the fuck away from me off-set."

"As the diva commands," said Jensen sarcastically before leaving Jared alone in his trailer.

::

Jensen was happy to do as Jared ordered and stay away from him. At first.

At first, it felt great not being around Jared, not being around that temptation. A relief. They still had to act together but that was where it ended. They did their jobs and then went back to their lives. Job and life kept comfortably separate, same as it had always been for Jensen.

But again... again, he found himself missing Jared. This man he hadn't even known for that long but had quickly become someone that Jensen couldn't be apart from.

Despite how insulted Jensen felt by Jared just wanting him to be another co-star-with-benefits. Despite Jared being a giant horny puppy who just wanted to eat or hump everything in sight. Jared had a girlfriend, for fuck's sake, and it was like that meant nothing to him.

If only he didn't. If only he wasn't Jensen's co-star. If only they didn't play brothers on TV. If only the industry would accept two men being together. If only... if only things could be different.

Jensen looked sadly at Jared's trailer as they waited between takes. His eyes narrowed as determination came over him. He got up and walked over to the trailer, and he knocked.

When Jared opened the door, his hazel eyes were red-rimmed, glassy with tears. The sight twisted at Jensen's heart. He had never meant to hurt Jared - he hadn't realized that's what he had done.

Jensen fought back tears of his own. "Jared... I'm sorry about the other day."

Jared hung his head. "I'm sorry too," he whispered hoarsely.

Jensen came forward and drew Jared into a tight hug. He and Jared held each other for a while, tears dampening their shoulders. Jensen pulled back and held Jared's shoulders.

"Can we put that behind us?" he asked softly. "Can we be friends? I just... I want us to be friends."

Jared sniffed and smiled. "So do I."

"As the diva commands," Jensen said again, and this time he said it warmly with a brilliant smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the first chapter and stay tuned for more!


End file.
